Cause we got a little old convoy
Rockin 'through the night.
Yeah, we got a little old convoy,
Ain't she a beautiful sight?
CW McCall “Convoy”
Any flight Vitalich began with the purchase. This was his peculiar ritual. “I'm going to watch something new, to experience something new, for this you need a peculiar mood. Well, the mood of the new is created by new things, ”he reasoned. This time he made two purchases, or, if you count a gift to his son, then three.
A new computer, he promised Max long ago. Therefore, when, after the flight to Paris, he had free money, Vitalich went to the nearest chain store. Desktop cost more than he planned. Max wanted the coolest configuration and the largest monitor. And Vitalich didn’t like to argue with his son more than anything else in the world.
“Okay, I’ll manage without new music in the car so far,” he said to himself and, having discussed with the manager questions about the guarantee, went to the cashier.
In such stores in front of the cash register there is always a bunch of unnecessary trash at inflated prices, which for some reason jumps into your hands. Vitalich understood this a long time ago, therefore he stood in a line, leaning on a telephone and doing a crossword puzzle.
“The actual side of the story, those events, events, actions, states in their causal, chronological sequence - 6 letters horizontally.”
- Son, read me, what is this book? And then the blind woman has become completely, only the name and I see, ”the old woman standing in front interrupted his meditation. In her hands was a “Babylonian Phrasebook.”
Vitalich took a thin book and read the description on the back in small print aloud:
“If you've ever traveled with a phrasebook, you probably know that most of the phrases will never come in handy. “What could be more meaningless? We ask a question in a language that we don’t understand, and we get an answer in a language that we don’t understand. ”
- This is some funny granny, for travelers. Not a real phrase book, but a collection of jokes.
- Jokes? In every joke there is a stake you know what. It seems to me, son, that this book is just for you. You ride a lot, on the road and have fun.
After reading a couple of pages from the phrasebook, Vitalich decided that the book was quite suitable as a ritual purchase for the journey. “I wonder how grandma realized that I drive a lot? Probably old people have a well-developed intuition? Or maybe they are just starting to listen to her more often? ”
Vitalich wanted to thank the old woman for the advice and ask about the intuition. But while he was paying at the checkout, she was already gone.
He made the third purchase as needed. When he was returning from the last voyage, the running light of the tractor went berserk. In Kolomna, when viewed, the electrician grieved, “you cannot fix the headlight, you must change it”. Therefore, he jumped into the car shop near the house.
Attempts by Chinese manufacturers to write in Russian on the labels always touched Vitalich. It seems that they did not even have suitable Russian fonts, and sometimes it was difficult to parse the text. On a hastily glued label in the back of the box it was written either “MEGA FARA” or “META FARAH”.
- Hey, friend, what's so expensive?
- So you saw the course? Importers raise prices, and we also have to, ”the seller replied in a crumpled gray jacket with a badge“ Mikhail. ”
“Kurs-Shmurs,” Vitalich snickered. “She is still not official.”
- The fact of the matter is that from the official. Want to show the certificate.
The parts manager started digging into the heavy black folder with the papers lying on the table. Vitalich stopped him:
- Yes, do not.
- You do not believe the certificate? Now, - Misha took out a mobile phone from his pocket. - Go to the website Big Yellow Truck. Choose a zone of China. Here, look in the manufacturers of spare parts. You see, the same hieroglyphs as on the box !, the manager Misha triumphantly proclaimed.
Vitalich brought the manager's phone to the label. Critically compared the squiggles 矩阵, it seems Misha did not lie.
- It's still expensive.
- Do you have an old working headlight?
“No,” answered Vitalich honestly.
- Then hand it over to us, and with me a 20% discount.
Vitalich did not like to bargain, but this time he had no choice. After buying a tricked computer, the money remained abutting, so he replied:
- 35 and on the hands.
- 25 and we will update your truck firmware.
When Vitalich paid off at the checkout, Misha added:
- Only the electrician has already gone home. So either install it yourself, or wait until tomorrow.
- There is no time to wait, I am on the flight in the morning, I want to be in time for traffic jams. I'll install it myself.
- How about the firmware?
- On the flash drive. I'll think something.
At home, Vitalich was met by Max, his T-shirt from the regional competitions in Counter Strike was wiped almost to the holes on his son. Two years ago, their team took the third place, for this all players received as many as fifteen hundred rubles and T-shirts with the logo of the tournament. When they unpacked the purchase, Max told his father:
- Can not you go this time?
- Son, and live on what? See what piece of metal I bought you. Even Stealth Craft will go on it. Still need to make repairs in the kitchen, it is about 80 thousand. Nothing, here are a couple of flights - and I’m leaving the distance. I ask the logistician in the office, - he lied to his son and himself. Vitalich simply could not imagine life without a road.
As usual, they ordered pizza for dinner. Vitalich got a bottle of beer from the refrigerator. Poured himself and his son. He considered 14 years old the most suitable age to try alcohol, he did not care about the opinion of the state. According to his understanding, the state itself has not yet grown to the level of a 14-year-old. From this, by the way, it followed that Vitalich would not have drunk with the state.
- Dad, let's see “Convoy”?
- Again? We watched it a month ago?
- Come again.
Vitalich did not argue. For some reason, Maxim really liked this film. "Teenager, the romance of the road is calling," thought the father. He himself became a truck driver in part because of this film. But it was not only that. The main character reminded Maxim mother. Mom just cut her hair very shortly on that New Year's Eve 4 years ago, went home to put the cake in the oven, waved to Maxim “see you soon”. I went to the store for tangerines. I slipped on an ice-free road and punched my head.
In the morning, father and son drank tea with sandwiches. Then Maxim set up the computer, Vitalich dug in the instructions for the new firmware:
“Blah blah blah, environmental performance improves without dynamic damage, meets Euro-7 standard, blah blah blah, you need a permanent Internet connection, blah blah blah, optimized routing taking into account external reality. It is understood, machine translation. The list of supported peripheral manufacturers is on page 37, ”he flipped through the book to the desired page and saw the familiar hieroglyphs of the headlight manufacturer.
Throwing his son to school, “look at someone on the pelvis for a job bring up, and you on the track, be proud”, Vitalich went to the garage.
Faro he installed quickly. I hooked up, flashed and remembered the kind word of the manager for a decent discount in principle. The next step was the firmware. Vitalich inserted a flash drive into the slot located just above the GPS screen. Nothing has happened. He jerked the flash drive in the nest, swagged, and after a few seconds the on-board computer changed his mind and wrote:
> Enter master key.
“What the ...”, with a familiar movement, he took out a telephone and began to google the master password for the on-board computer. On the first page, all the links were either broken, or led to branches of forums, in which the same poor fellows as he wanted to know the password and did not receive an answer. So without hesitation Vitalich decided to go with the old firmware.
The first point of his route was ...
While the loader at the terminal in Munich was playing tetris, removing his container from the truck and placing it on the platform to others like him, Vitalich flipped through the Babylon phrase book. Some of the phrases from there really were funny. Vitalich thought that jokes from there was a good way to wittyly begin acquaintance with foreigners, and at the same time explore the sense of humor of people from other countries. After loading, Vitalich found out how he could get to the center, and went for a walk.
- Excuse me, where is the nearest Eiffel Tower here? - He asked in broken German a stranger at the fountain in Karslplatz square.
- Help, the evil witch turned me into Russian. - answered the burgher in pure Russian with another phrase from the Babylon phrasebook.
Vitalich smiled and switched to Russian.
- It's funny. And how did you get here?
The guy, whose name was Volodya, said that he moved from St. Petersburg a couple of years ago at the invitation of the employer, works as a programmer in a small startup and writes games.
- Cool, I was in St. Petersburg in the last flight, a beautiful city. A bunch of pictures brought, I can show.
- Maybe for a beer ?, - Vova suggested in response.
The clock was almost 6 pm, it was indecent to refuse. They went to the nearest bar, where Vitalich, on the advice of a new acquaintance, ordered a local white beer. Having enjoyed the first sip, Vitalich began from the quarry:
- Listen, you're a programmer, right? I have such a problem: the firmware of the truck can not be updated. Without a new firmware, the headlight seems to be shining, but every 5 kilometers the computer writes an error “Incomplete synchronization with the device”. Master key is needed. As I was not looking - I can not find.
- Yes, you're not looking there. Your search engine simply blocks links on such requests. Use duckduckgo, - and in ten seconds Volodya already showed Vitalich a page with a code, - Here you have your key ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
- Well, thanks friend. Next mug from me.
- Listen, can you tell the story instead of beer? I write stories, collect material in this bar.
- Hmm. What to tell something?
- Tell me why the trucker has become.
- Yes, nothing special to tell. My whole life on the adventure pulled. Fools are those who think that the trucker profession is boring and monotonous. I would never trade my wheel for an office desk. I remember how we guys stuck on a pass in Austria. Then an avalanche of the way back blocked, and even ahead the police blocked the road, because they were waiting for a new gathering. We were escorted from three trucks. Imagine, it is cold outside, there is panic all around, people from jeeps crawling, clutching mobile phones, calling someone. And we were not taken aback, we got the brazier out of the car, strung the meat on a spit, and let's fry. The meat is being squashed, dripping on the embers. The smell of kebab went, around the mountains, snow. Beauty, - Vitalich plunged into the moment, paused, sipped his beer.
- Where did you get the meat from?
- We have a senior in a convoy carrying a refrigerator. And the meat was taken with a reserve naturally, in case you need to share. Brotherhood, you know. I now also take the grill with me. Who knows what?
Vitalich returned to the parking lot early, hoping to have time to call his son before he went to bed. Having updated the firmware, he connected his phone to the WiFi of the truck and launched a video chat program. The program icon, on reflection, lit up for a second with a green icon, and immediately went out. The connection was torn over and over again, and Vitalich cursed in his heart:
“You what, the channel is a pity, a piece of iron devil”
After several more attempts to connect, Vitalich decided to use a backup communication channel. In cases where it was impossible to speak in a voice, he sent messages to his son with trucker codes. This time Vitalich wrote:
“10-1. 10-18 ”, which in slang meant“ poor quality of communication. how are you?"
Soon came the response SMS from Max: “10-19” - “nothing special”
“10-10” “end of communication,” Vitalich answered.
If it was difficult for him to mingle with the crowd in Munich, in Amsterdam, on the contrary, it was impossible to stand out from the motley mass of people roaming. Vitalich was surrounded, led by guides, a living sea of tourists of various nationalities, social groups, in clothes of all styles and trends. Some of their costumes are outdated to such an extent that in some places they became fashionable again.
- Where is my umbrella? I also want to be a guide, - Vitalich said out loud.
- Why do you need an umbrella? Well you do not know anything here, - said the stranger, who was nearby. He extended his hand and added:
- My name is Korteks.
- What a strange name, Korteks?
- What a strange name, Vitalich?
“Well, yes, that's right too.” Do you live here?
- Yeah, I live and draw sometimes. I am an artist. And you, as I understand it, trucker?
- How did you guess?
- Very simple. You don’t look like a local at all, you’re turning your head around too much. But it’s definitely not a tourist. A tourist alone at such a time would have been removed in the trash a long time ago, and a tourist with a girlfriend would go either to museums or souvenir shops and choose magnets. So you're at work. A blue jumpsuit hints at a work specialty. The most likely option is your trucker. Listen, I actually went to feed the ducks, here a pond is not far, you can make a company.
Korteks shared a loaf with Vitalich and they began to scatter small, round pieces into the water. The quacking ducks noisily landed like a Peckman article.
“Self-promotion?”, A new acquaintance offered Vitalich after the roll ended.
- Yes, I do not smoke.
- I, too. But here it is possible - here it is always 4:20. Come, go on the bench, I have already rolled everything.
After the first puff, Vitalich asked Cortex:
- What are you drawing?
- Nature, animals.
- It is clear, and what style?
- Do you paint realistic dinosaurs or something?
- Not. Trying to convey reality in dynamics.
- What does it mean?
“Well, look, the duck is flying,” Korteks promptly took out the tablet, turned on the camera, took a picture, and then showed the screen to Vitalich. - Is it realism?
- Yes, realism.
- Well, what is this realism. If now to recreate the reality of this photo, what will happen?
- The duck will fall, because neither inertia nor aerodynamics are visible in the photo. It is not even clear how she flaps her wings and flaps.
Korteks took the stylus and began to draw something on the tablet:
- Now I will add a couple of keyframes of the flight, connect the lubricating effect. And a little mark the movement of air. Like this. Your brain completes the picture of the dynamics itself.
- I see. Then “The Jurassic Park” is a dyno-realistic masterpiece, ”concluded Vitalich.
- I think you do not understand.
- No, listen. In the film, the evolution of life on the planet is depicted as a dyno.
In one frame there are dinosaurs, the next link is a person, and another link is cars. And shows the relationship between them.
- Wow! You just with one puff penetrated the essence of dinorealism!
They dragged on again.
- Okay, I guess I should go now. Soon the bus to the suburbs, where I left the truck.
- Listen, you are not passing by Leipzig by any chance?
- Well, I can. Why?
- Yes, I have my sister's birthday tomorrow. She lives in Torgau, a small town near Leipzig. I prepared a gift for her, but I do not have time to send it. Can you capture and transmit?
- Why not. What kind of gift?
- The book is the best gift. Phrasebook - the best book. Consequently, the phrase book is the best gift available.
- It is logical. I also heard that the best gift is the one that was made by hand, Vitalich smiled.
“Well, I don’t write books yet,” Cortex replied. - but I wrapped the gift in the package with my own hands.
On the way to the bus stop they went to Kortex home. All but one of the walls were covered with pictures in the style of dinorealism. Next to the window was a bookcase from which Korteks pulled out - “The Babylonian Dictionary” and wrapped it in shiny gift paper with an ornament based on hemp leaves.
Procrastination in the terminal, in Amsterdam, detained Vitalich until noon the next morning. Having estimated how much he would be able to drive through, Vitalich realized that he would have to spend the night with a view of the Elbe. Pushing on the German autobahn Vitalich almost missed the Torgau exit. Thanks to GPS, which heartfelt for 400 meters before turning. Cafe, where she worked sister Cortex, he found almost immediately. Vitalich parked the truck in an absolutely empty parking lot and went into the cafe.
Surly blonde with a red bandana on her head was cleaned in the hall. She looked at Vitalich and stated:
- Wir sind schon zu. Kommen Sie morgen!
Catching only the meaning of the sentence, he handed the package to the book and said:
- This is apparently you, Frau. From Cortex. Happy Birthday.
“Well, thanks,” the girl broke into a smile and picked up a book. Then she extended her hand and introduced herself - Helga, that is, Olga.
“Listen, I'm actually closing already.” In our hole at 5 pm everyone is sitting at home, the windows will curtain and the shutters will also be closed. You probably want to eat from the road?
- Yeah, there is a bit.
- I have pasta with mushrooms left. I can quickly reheat.
- I can not eat mushrooms, I promised them this in Amsterdam.
- Also read the dictionary? I love these things. I have all three books at home.
“Stop, and why did I carry this then?”, Vitalich turned his eyes to the gift.
Instead of answering, Olga unfolded the bundle, took the book by the back and shook it. Inside the book was a large cavity, from which a bag with lovingly rolled shoals fell onto the table.
“The brother himself turns in Amsterdam and supplies me,” she explained. - In our village you will buy figs, and you will not send mail, you understand. If you do not eat mushrooms, then only chips and nuts remain.
- At the expense of food, do not worry. I always have a grill with me and a sausage supply just in case. Do you have a beer?
- And then, the reward will find his hero, - Olga winked and climbed into the fridge under the counter.
They went to the parking lot to the truck, Olga brought a suitable box from the bar to use as a table, and Vitalich started to light a small hiking barbecue. It was quickly getting dark, so they almost did not see each other.
- Wait a minute, - Vitalich climbed into the truck and turned on the headlamp, the light cut through the oncoming darkness and fell on an improvised table.
. . , , , . , . - . , . , . - , . , . , . , . . :
“ - “Cargo Cult: ”. , , . — ”. . , , . .
. , . . “ ”, — . , . . . . , . , . , . 30. , . . , , .